Humanity, Fuck Yeah! - Part 1 - The Slayeaza

Inspired by the threat 'Humanity, Fuck Yeah!' on Imgur.


"So you want to know about humans and their history?" X'larr said to the young soldier. The soldier looked perplexed and said: "No ambassador, I meant to ask you to explain the extinction of so many old races. Five different races which each conquered big parts of the known galaxy became extinct in a very short time while at the top of their power." X'larr looked around and saw that most of the soldiers looked as perplex as the young one in front of him and some were even muttering amongst each other, no doubt thinking the old ambassador a bit slow of wit. He realized they would only know the humans as they had been the last 50 galactic years, a race which loved peace despite their tempers, a race which helped other races negotiated for peace and if that failed helped the wounded of all sides involved in a dispute. A race which was always the first to organize or volunteer for peace missions. They had never seen this race in anger.

X'larr's tendrils turned a dark blue, signifying his annoyance at their reactions, while he shook his head and said with a commanding voice: "That is the same, you want to know how these great warlike races became extinct? They decided they could take on the humans." Some soldiers cried out in defense of the humans, others were just shocked at the unexpected answer. "Let me explains." He said in a deep voice and started his tale.


First to discover the planet Terra or Earth were the Slayeaza, this was about 120 galactic years ago. You have probably seen the photos of the Slayeaza in history class during your basic training, they were a big race, one of the biggest which ever existed. They were not overly bright, but were very cunning when it came to stealing technology and adapting it to their service. Their first FTL drive they got from a ship which crashed on their planet, it gave their technological advance a jump start which they never had dreamed of. After centuries of warring and stealing technology they had established a vast empire which kept expanding. Then one of their scouts found Terra. The humans had just started colonizing their own solar system, they had some colonies on the big red planet in their system, mining operations on several other planets and a few space stations. They didn't have FTL yet but they were brilliant at using their resources efficiently, they had to, by most standards the Sol system and Terra are a very rough environment. Some of our scientists are still wondering how the humans ever managed to evolve on such a hostile world.

The Slayeaza scout called the fleet which arrived quickly and went on a rampage in the system. The humans had no defense, only small lasers to vent of asteroids. What the Slayeaza didn't know was that humans were very adapt at warfare, they evolved on a hostile world and were even hostile to each other. No other race has a word like Genocide of could even know what it means before the humans appeared in the galaxy. So in hardly 2 galactic days time, or 10 days on Terra, the first of the human freighters came bearing real weapons, clumsy things which worked with an explosive powder and fired metal projectiles. Of course the Slayeaza were not impressed by this and continued at their leisure to shoot the space stations to pieces and occasional obliterate a small fleet of vessels the humans sent to fight them. After another few days bigger ships came against the Slayeaza fleet, these still fired projectiles but these projectiles carried a payload, some just a simple explosive load which did damaged the Slayeaza ships but made no big difference. Then the humans fired some and there was a great explosion in the middle of the fleet, the ships in the center, even the big capital ships which were thought to be able to withstand even a direct hit from a solar flare just disintegrated. Ships around the center just stopped working, some lost containment in their engines and blew to pieces, most just drifted there without any life support.

The humans captured these ships, interrogated the crews and then sent most of them back in one of the ships, which they repaired for them, with the message "Don't come here again." Of course the Slayeaza war council didn't like this message at all and they called big parts of their fleet home. After several weeks their fleet was complete, lead by a big, brand new dreadnaught, the biggest they had ever build. Now you must remember, several weeks for us are several months for the humans. So when the Slayeaza arrived with their new fleet in the Sol system they were greeted by a very big fleet of small and vast vessels. This fleet immediately opened fire with their payload carrying weapons and in a matter of seconds the whole Slayeaza fleet was just gone, shot to pieces and totally obliterated.

The humans had seen what worked last time and in the short time since the first attack they had put all their differences aside, pulled all their resources and mass produced a fleet of small ships and payload carrying projectile weapons. None of us knew what they used as payload but it terrified the Slayeaza to no end. Of course most of the galaxy didn't know something was going on until a few months later when the Slayeaza suddenly sent out a transmission to every known race that they had encountered a species which was obliterating them and begging for help. Since the Slayeaza made no friends and only conquered other races no one saw fit to help them. Therefor we don't really know much about what happened. What we do know is that the humans had reverse engineered the Slayeaza FTL drives, figured out how to adapt it to their own ships and how to read the Slayeaza star charts and that they started building a fleet.

This race which was torn apart by religious views, political views or just plain bigotry got together in a very short period of time, overcame their differences and managed to successfully defend themselves against a technologically far advanced species. You have to respect that. We know that after the seconds attack they started building FTL capable ships, big ships, some even 5 or 6 miles in length. These ships were filled with small and medium attack vessels, with fighters and with landing vessels and troops. We know that they jumped to the first Slayeaza planet in reach of their new fleet and that in seconds they wiped the defense stations and ships in orbit with just a few of their shots. After this they used a pinpoint bombardment from orbit to take out all military installations on the planet. No one had ever done anything like that, you either conquered the planet by landing troops and fighting man to man or you just scorched it from orbit. But not humans, they took out all the military without hurting any of the civilians. After this they landed troops, but not on foot, in armored vehicles which flew, hoovered or even drove on wheels. The few soldiers of the Slayeaza which were left on the planet didn't know what to think of these vehicles. They tried to attack them like they would normal ground troops but the vehicles were too fast. If a Slayeaza was seen by one of the vehicles the vehicle itself shot a barrage of small projectiles which would explode on the Slayeaza body armor. One projectile would do no harm, but 50 in a few seconds would kill a Slayeaza just as easy as we would kill a fly.

Afer this invasion the planet went silent, no more communication was received except human communication which the Slayeaza couldn't understand. They assumed everyone was killed on the planet and, not wanting their planet in human hands, sent a fleet to scorch it. When the fleet arrived they again were greeted by a human fleet which again in seconds wiped their own fleet. This made the Slayeaza very afraid, they still didn't know what kind of weapons the humans used that could wipe a fleet so soon and they had never seen a race which fought on the ground like this. They didn't know what to do. One after the other their planets fell to the human fleet prompting them to send out the transmission I referred to earlier.

This prompted other races to at least see what was going on. Most races liked the fact that the Slayeaza got a taste of their own medicine but some also warned us. We had always been afraid of the Slayeaza and now there was a race which made them afraid. This was a scary thought indeed. When the Slayeaza were almost completely exterminated a group of the more intelligent races put together a diplomatic mission to get to know these humans and see what they were doing with the planets they conquered. This mission was received politely but also with a lot of distrust. The humans stated they wouldn't rest until the Slayeaza were exterminated. They didn't allow access to the conquered planets nor did they want any kind of peace treaty with other races. They simply told us we had to earn their trust. And while we were debating how we should show humanity that not all races were like the Slayeaza they conquered the last of the Slayeaza planets effectively ending their existence.

Again we sent a delegation to talk to the humans. This time the delegation was allowed to live on an old spacestation near Terra. The humans gave our delegation a set of rules and guidelines and allowed us to slowly get to know them, during this process the Chuckullus came to power in a small corner of the galaxy. This however is a tale for our session tomorrow.


X'larr bid the soldiers a good day and went back to his room on the academy thinking about what to tell exactly about the Chuckullus to the soldiers tomorrow.